Donald Nyach,
One evening with a full tummy, this youngish chocolate bastard tuned in to a panel discussion.
“Are we headed for an economic crisis?” was the question that got my attention. Made me promptly put down that remote.
The distinguished-looking man on TV speaking in a panel of his peers stood out. They were all a cocky bunch loudly speaking into their mics trying to one-up each other. The hosting anchor looked like he had a handle on things though. He was obviously used this sort of erudite bunch. He also clearly had a firm grasp on the subject matter. But I suppose that should be expected.
At the point of introduction, it became clear that each of these guys runs their own individual organizations. They mostly carried the title of consultant which points to the fact they might be too proud to work for anyone other than themselves on a permanent basis.
They were all impeccably dressed and very well-groomed. But their confidence didn’t come from their clothes or outward appearance. They had set themselves apart as specialists in the fields of finance, risk and economics. They knew what it takes to touch the economy and watch it move. And thus a god complex would be an understatement in describing what they exuded.
This distinguished man in particular (whom we will call Daktari) sat at the centre with a self-satisfied grin. The discussion of the day was economics as I inferred earlier: his bread and butter. The layman watching at home was soon assaulted by a barrage of jargon. Fiscal policy, GDP, inflation, bullish/bearish markets and volatility were thrown around by the pundits to emphatically put forward their position on projected market trends. The anchor swooped in to rescue the layman every now and again with magic words like
“Ok, Daktari, in the simplest terms, what does that mean for Kenya in the next year or so…?”
Daktari smiled arrogantly before responding in a vaguely patronising tone with the expected proficiency that qualified him to come on this TV show.
I recall seeing this guy and immediately positing what his career history might have probably looked like; He probably got a 1st class in his undergraduate degree then almost immediately enrolled for a master’s program. This may have been concurrent with him landing a hot job in the city where he got a chance to share a board room meeting with the kings of Nairobi.( Note: He is the only one in the panel that works fulltime for a corporation).
Once your life takes this turn and you play your cards right, you can easily ride the waves of musical chairs the ‘kings’ play into the stratosphere. He obviously did some professional papers just to fill some gaps and make his CV more robust. Daktari has an intimate sexual relationship with the words “upwards social mobility”. His fake accent is how you know for sure how far a man has come up in Kenya. It’s that typical hybrid of American, British and something else that makes for the Kenyan brand. Although the guy probably grew up in Bungoma. He is of course part of that annoyingly obnoxious Nairobi coffee culture as are most posh people. It’s almost an obligatory thing to be these days, like a matching accessory to the atrocious accent.
Daktari is what we call an academic celebrity. That’s actually a thing in most former British colonies moreso in Africa. It happens when a person listens to his/her parents advice to study hard and rise in the world. That person then accumulates papers and certificates and at the same time is able to massively increase their income. As a result, many of the viewers hanging on to every word he has to say are admiring students he has interacted with in the university visits he is regularly invited to. During such visits, young impressionable girls approach him and query the prospects of delving into such and such a career.
“What does it take to be a professional in this field?”
Of course Daktari has the answer. He has all the answers. And that is why he doesn’t bother to take their numbers. He gives them his business cards knowing that the ‘prey’ will come to the ‘predator’. This is a popular branch of what we call networking these days and this senior bachelor has mastered how to effectively play the advantage. Daktari has secured internship positions for so many young attractive campus ladies that it would be unfair to not call this a CSR activity.
That aside. I, on the other hand, could never get the hang of that networking thing. And I mean actual networking. Standing awkwardly in those events attended by corporate guests with my shaggy hair, I never knew what to do with my hands. I wasn’t as eager as most to spark relevant conversations with the guests. I tried to be. It just didn’t work. The ladies always seemed to have an easier time though. And some of the slicker gentlemen. The intricacies of the pageantry were just too overwhelming for a simple man like me. I couldn’t smile, I wasn’t as interested, I seemed more concerned with the food and drinks and most times, I just wanted to go home and read comic books(and yes, I am a fully grown man)
But not Daktari. He seems like back in his day, he was a champion networker. Most times, that sort of charisma doesn’t even need a 1st class degree to land a job.
Presently, the man knows how to court attention. His title of director or senior partner adds to the pomp and lends gravity to his words. So when he says things like ‘passion’, ‘deliver’, the ‘bottom line’ and ‘marketability’, everyone most definitely perks their ear. Impressing such a man could jump-start your carreer.
At this point, one could ask him somthing as impossible as “How did Theresa May sleep last night?”. The mundane nonsense he would spew in retort would have been woven so artfully that it’s made to seem as profound as the Dalai Lama’s words.
Daktari is a brilliant worker. And due to merit, he transitioned into management early. And so Daktari speaks a bit too loudly. He never got a hang of power or the fact that one doesn’t need to be loud to be heard or understood. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been seasoned by time enough at the time of his promotion. He went on to make for an effective leader nonetheless. A leader with a outside voice. Coming up in the world would have been difficult without that trait.
But I think Daktari doesn’t know everything. He seems like he does but he really doesn’t. Everything in his life so far has gone according to plan. And fast.
Sometimes it’s the achievement of our aspirations that causes us to doubt ourselves and not our failures. What do you tell a man that has never failed? What do you tell a man that fears that his lucky streak might soon be up? He himself has questions . He wonders. Also, he has never really taken a break counting aside those obligatory luxury trips abroad to exotic locations that have been well catalogued all over his Instagram page. Everything has been an effort-filled photo op, scheduled and scripted to portray the right image. So during his free time in those large halls with loud music and strong drink, this man makes the mistake of overindulging one day. He gets drunk and says the wrong thing. Something bigoted, too politically charged or sexually inappropriate in polite society (especially in the wake of the ‘me too’ movement) Then his party just goes quiet and everything becomes as awkward as the face you make when you wipe your crack in the loo. Venting can be disastrous.
Back to the interview;
“…and Daktari we are happy to have you over at the studio again…”, The anchor says
Clever guy, this anchor. You massage his ego and this gentleman will open up like a book. Which he does. And because he seems like the alpha, the rest of the panel follow in tow. Even the ones that would probably like to overthrow him from his apparent status.
I can’t help but wonder the kind of pressure such a man is constantly under: working long hours into night, weekends and sometimes carrying his work home. He has a tonne of money in his account but no real social life to speak of. He probably deserves the glory he basks in. Daktari has likely worked hard his whole life. Many might call him arrogant but I think his arrogance is justified by his brilliance and singular focus.
Donald, if I’m being honest, I like hanging out with arrogant people. They are fun. They are usually more sure of the things they want and they motivate you. They make the world seem bigger and more filled with possibility than it actually is. They are the salt of the earth. It these ‘humble’ fuckers I totally can’t stand.
Signing off,
D.A.D.
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